I want to wear a kilt, and a tight t-shirt and a big leather belt, and I wanna throw really heavy stuff, and yell really loud.
I’m not Scottish, I’m Irish, and that’s close enough. I even designed my own tartan.
This is the Hambrick Tartan, designed by moi.
The Hambrick clan is a fearsome bunch with a lot of wild ideas.
This desire to be loud and throw things goes deep. My grandfather was an ill-tempered chicken farmer, and when the chickens ate without his consent, he’d yell and beat them with sticks.
That heritage has been passed on to me, and I’ll pass it on to my sons, and their sons, and their sons.
I am a multi-generational man.
I was married in 2003 to the lovely and gracious (and longsuffering) Shelly. At that time, I was in the best shape of my life. I had gotten into condition following a program developed by Matt Furey in Tampa, FL called Combat Conditioning.
It’s an exercise program of total bodyweight calisthenic exercises, and it was exactly what I was looking for. I had been looking for a bodyweight program for quite awhile because:
- I hated going to the gym
- I thought most gym type exercises were really bad for you
- I wanted to do something more than just run, pushups and situps like I used to do in the Army
- I needed a program to keep me focused
And I wasn’t having any luck finding anything.
But then I saw one small add while purusing the newsmax.com website that said “Politically Incorrect Fitness” and I clicked on it, and knew immediately it was for me. I sent off for the whole program DVDs and all.
When I got the program in the mail I took to it instantly, I was a workout fiend. And I very quickly got into the best shape of my life.
Highlander Hindu Pushup
Exercises included, the Hindu pushup, the Hindu squat, and the wrestlers neck bridge. These three were also known as “The Royal Court.”
The workouts were invigorating, and better than anything I’d ever worked out with before.
I was more flexible and more capable of a human being than I had ever been in my entire life.
I was working out at least twice a day, and I was doing 100+ squats per workout, 50+ pushups of various kinds per workout, I was bridging for 3 minutes plus, I was jumping rope, I was sprinting, and I was in the bet shape of my life. I had more stamina than my 5 year old nephew, and more muscular endurance than I had ever had before.
I didn’t really lift weights at the time, but I bet if I’d tested my max reps on bench press, squat, and one-armed over-head press of a table full of scantily clad women, it would have been my best ever!
A Highland Neck Bridge; A real man can kiss the floor.
Yep I was a monster.
And I was motivated. I couldn’t be stopped. All because I had a goal.
My goal was to be able to pull myself, and my wife Shelly over a wall if the zombies ever came to attack us.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but it was a goal, and it kept me focused and motivated.
But then…
Shelly got pregnant, and something happened. In the fourth month of her pregnancy, I suddenly got everything she did:
- Sympathy Pains
- Sympathy Exhaustion
- Sympathy Apathy
I just didn’t care anymore, and I didn’t know why. I lost that spark, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get it back.
So I gained weight, and lost my edge. I continued to workout, just nowhere near the intensity that I had previously. I mean nowhere near. I was half-heartedly doing anything.
Then about 10 months after we had our beautiful baby boy, I was feeling that motivation coming back. I was ready, I was gonna get back into shape like I was before, I was gonna have to get into even better shape than before, cause now I gots to pull me, Shelly and Corey over a wall…
you know when the zombies come after us…
trying to eat our brains….
Anyway, I started working out again, building up to just as hardcore as before.
When…
Shelly got pregnant again.
That’s right…
So I instantly lost all motivation again.
How can I possibly ever get into the shape I need to be in to pull an entire family over a wall?
Freakin’ Zombies!
I gained more weight. It was an amazing lesson in why goals are so necessary.
And then, before I could even recover from the second pregnancy, she got pregnant again.
That’s right…
But now I have a new goal, and it has gotten me even more motivated than ever before.
I have always wanted to compete in a Highlands Games heavy athletics event. But to do that I have to be in shape. And getting ready for the games will get me ready for all the practicalities of being able to throw heavy stuff.
I don’t have to worry about carrying my family over a wall.
When the zombies come, I will:
Caber toss Shelly over the wall:
Alley Oop!
When she lands on the other side, she can catch the children as I have a choice with Corey & Shane & Elsie, I can either throw them like a Weight Over Bar event, or like a Hammer throw, if I put them in a car seat:
22lb Hambrick Throw
And with the baby, I think the best option would be the Sheaf Toss:
Bundle of Love Toss
Since he’ll be wrapped in a receiving blanket.
I like the idea of working out with a practical goal in mind.
“Practical,” you say, “How in the name of all things holy is tossing things around practical?”
Check this out before you jump to any conclusions: http://tinyurl.com/2cu76h.
Now how practical do you think I am?
